Saw an iron bunker underground
Saw a man with cinder blocks all around
A naked man, with a bald head
He was crouching holding his arms around his legs. He looked back at me like a scared animal.
His eyes glowed a translucent pail white.
This war, called divorce.
I miss my old mate
Don’t know, nor have the bravery to know her
Knew her before, but am clueless now
Bunker of new hope
The pain in that entity’s eyes. The eyes looked similar to a picture of a possum that had a picture taken of it in the dark, like the flash had distorted the color within them.
Those eyes, I see inside.
St. Paul/Faust/World History/Philosophy/Buddha/Christianity
I see a man in a book- historically aware.
I saw Nebuchadnezzar. I watched the tower of babal built.
Such a golden age for a new people.
Learning how write, it was knowledge seeking water. Like a sponge thy devoured it.
I see Hitler, dead. His body not horribly disfigured. Slumped over, blood dripping down on a couch. Next to him was a woman with her head propped all the way up, staring at the ceiling with dead eyes.
Historical sensory images everywhere.
Nearly no criminal activity
Tales and philosophers
A monk of happiness
Monk
A lake, a lake shimmering in the sunshine.
Trails with a forest, with a wooden rustic aroma, it’s accented by and with a slight wind, and a breath of fresh air fills the soul. A moment where nature is so much appreciated, it’s epically specal.
I’m alone there, and walking through the pine forest is cool. Now the smell is of such pine, it fills the senses with life.
The ground is nearly grassless.
I walk and pine comes, it’s quiet and solitudial. I glance up and around, the blue clloud filled sky catches me, and I feel so small. A peace settles over me, but a thought that I had to keep walking.
Bunker of new hope
I turn around and walk down the cement corridor. It smells like damp cement and very humid.
Biblical trials
In St. Paul o saw new enlightenment.
The Bible changed my life.
I first opened the book out of a boredom and curiosity. I was at a hotel, and did a lot coke that night. Amped up and bored, i could not sleep. I was about 26. On the news, the capital of this state was reported shot at.
I opened and started at genesis. The first few pages rolled, but as I read on, became so sensitive to the words.
It was a God fearing I had never faced, and something that shook me to my core. I almost finished it, and put the book down. God echoed of anger and rage. Beautiful, but angry. My mood became so sensitive I was about as thin as a peice of paper.
I picked it up again a handful of years back. It was a beautiful experience, and I felt a loving caring place. The undertones made me a bit ill, I’m particular, revelations. I don’t like reading, so I made a point to read it at least an hour a day, it’s been th only book I’ve read straight though in years: It took me nearly 2 months. Finally, I had finished it. I was outside on the deck. As I finshed, the church bells chimed. I was about 6-8 blocks from the church. It made me feel like everything was totally genuine.
A beautiful moment.
I saw crosses everywhere. I would point them out to my then wife. At one point I saw a truck with a paint blotch on its bumper, in that picture I saw a nativity seen. From a distance though, i knew it was just a blotch.
I saw in the white outlines the nativity. It was pretty shocking. I started to get tired of the revelations, made me feel like a Bible thumper. That annoyed the hell out of me yet believed whole heartedly.
Then i strayed away. I would recommended it to my children. They were interested in finding peace themselves, but didn’t like the constraints of the rules of certain sects of Christianity. I told them to read it, and just take it and do with as they wanted. You don’t need a church. The relationship is with you and God, you don’t need the church.
Bunker
I walked up from the bottom of the bunker. Concrete steps up, with a rusty metal plate on the inside of each step.
As I came to the top, I opened the door.
A gasp of fresh air hit me. I thought it was going to be a war zone like exit, instead- I was in the middle of of the forest.
From this vantage point, I walk forward, and can’t move: it’s as if I’m paralyzed- standing in one place. Then it comes over me to push any way I can, and one leg moves. But again, I’m stuck. Not in a bog, but as of a barrier of some sort forcing me to remain still. My muscles tightened, and I felt exhausted, as if my muscles were working against me.
First migration
I see the Jews, hungry, boarding a ship. More like a large canoe. Rowers wore makeup on their faces, and had the typical Egyptian head wear we’ve see throughout history. I look into the man that’s rowing’s eyes. Intense, as if every time he rowed, his strength he had pierced and pushed me back. I respected the strength, and felt somewhat comfortable.
I got out of the boat, and my loincloth was too big, I had to tighten it around my body: I gaze at my arms, and they are fickle and weak. I see walking corpses with me, am being led to a place, where smoked bellows. It almost looked like a cauldron. I see people eating as people do. They were fit and had huge chunks of meat over toned on what looked like giant ham bones. They used a language we don’t really understand.
They motion for us to sit down, and we all do- thy give us what looks like a plate, with food on it. I glance to the corner, and see that Egyptian rower with the deep nearly black eyes. They don’t pierce, but push me to intensity.
The food was bland. Quite surprised of that here, in such a rich place.
After we were finished, it was twilite. Stars glowed from the sky, I looked up and see beautiful thick pink constellations. It was as if I was in deep space. How, when I was on earth?
After while, we are led to what look like huts. They have rock like foundations, with a roof made of what I think thick brown dried palm tips.
As I walked in, there were cots on the floor. The looked like stew mats that were covered in a burlap brown material.
It was a warm place though and had a fire burning. People gathered around in the corner. They didn’t understand what was happening. They were suspicious, and I seemed to all of a sudden feel apart from them. As they seemed to conspire, I felt the were doing a disservice to our hosts.
Babylon
I see huge rocks getting pulled up circular ramp. Along the route they were being placed into the circular places they were to stay, wedged in by skilled craftsman. It rose about 5 and a half feel tall. From it base, which was already elevated pretty high. People were working on sections all around. They all had dark hair, and didn’t seem to mind what they were doing. Quite the contrary, they had a great work ethic and wanted to complete this project, for maybe a sense of pride? I sat there on the edge of a forested area and watched them for awhile. I felt like an artist with an easel. The night darkened, and and I watched people go down a ways and retire to a community tha was quite big, with big bases of huge rock. They had roofs made out of some kind of vegetation. I got up, and saw my loincloth and body. I was well fed, and strong. I went down into the community.
Bunker/forest
I try to still move and still can’t.
Mediation
I walk through the forest and the air gets crisper, and significantly cooler. The sun doesn’t get here much. When I look up, I feel a giddiness, as if my soul wraps around in energy towards the light that shines through a gap in the trees. Almost like a sleek cylindrical form about 4 feet wide, with color of blue, white and black rising above. I walk toward the place where it seems to be. I see the flow. I walk inside the this beautiful slow moving ascending energy field. It was so beautiful. An even more giddy feeling pulls me up. I think to myself, that it may be a scary place. Then my mind sees the monk and look at him, he’s telling me to get out. I told him I dont want to, and he smiles and says, “ok, you go then.” I let myself go. I flow into the air, and rise above the forest. The funneling stops here. I feel like I’m I inside a group of clouds. So giddy, yet afraid to feel anything. As if I’m afraid to be negative. Then I let myself go. I think to myself, let it happen. The body I knew gone. I spread out even thinner, and feel like I’m still rising. Pieces of my physical body fumbled around everywhere, and the next thing I know, it gets much cooler, a scattering of static comes across me, and as I rise further it gets really cold. I rise a bit more, am my ears pop.
Then suddenly I don’t feel anything at all. How am I here, and breathing? That’s impossible in space. How am I still rising?.
Jungle
I feel a humidity that I’ve never felt before. I wipe my brow, and see a think layer of sweat over the back of my hand. My whole body is sweating, my hair is wet from it. There are three people with spears over me. They looked like men, wearing jungle vegitataion as thier loin cloths. They were a headdress that nearly resembled something out of predator in movies.
The strangest sensation came over me, and it seemed like I rose over my body, and I see myself from a distance. I see these three people over my body, spearing me of all over. I hear the pops in each strike, and look at myself crying in pain and fear. The jungle men laugh, and as I look down, and see myself look at myself. As I look into my own eyes from above, I see Jesus Christ, he’s got a sad look on his face, his mouth open, with a crown of thorns over his head. I push it away from my eyes, and watch again over head. I see them dragging me to a tree. They hang me upside down, and take a knife out of thier side that the was under a vine like rope that held thier cloths. I see them gouge away at my body. I watch as my skin peels off, and they laugh at the sizes each other got. They go on further and eat my flesh. What had happened?
Space
I feel myself going higher and higher, now seeing my self in space. I move my legs, but I have a hard time moving. I bring my body to a swimming posture and pull my handles apart, as if I’m swimming underwater. I move slowly through. I stop and seem to float a bit. Then I spin myself around, and I see a that my own tunnel of energy forming around me as I spin. The sensation is wonderful, as I spin such giddiness encompassed me. I feel like a kid rolling down a hill.
Babylon
I smell cooking, and whatever it is, it smells horrible, like long burning corn and an after sense of bitterness. It was a stench. I couldn’t get it out of my nose. I turn around, and walk a bit and see the tower. There are two guards there, they have helmets that are Viking like, with a red and golden shield in place of a face. There were semi circle eye holes in thier face masks, they both had brown eyes. I thought for a second that they wouldn’t let me further, but I walked inside without consequence. They didn’t even acknowledge me. I walk inside and see torches on the walls. it’s got a sharp radius that turns. I was able to a few rotations, and see the landscape. Im much higher than the city itself. It’s a great view.
Bunker
I feel like I’m being pulled apart, from one side to the other. I try will all my might to free left leg. Finally, as if stuck in a big, my foot escapes, and it’s as im a cork- pushes me out to the other side. It’s dark, same forest but cool and much darker. It feels extremely eerie. I prop myself next to the tree, and listen. The darkness crept a sense of loudness around me. I hear a whelping noise above, it’s a bird of some sort, maybe an owl. It’s close to me.
Now/Present
Divorce is final. I have regrets. The emotional fury came from each of our sides. The way I reacted helped tug me, and depleted me of everything. My ex, just as culpable, yet far less. It’s taken years off of both of our lives. It was the worst experience I ever went through. Years of abuse chemically and emotionally your family. It all caught up to me tenfold. The emotional pain I felt was far worse than any other pain I’ve known. I loved, and still love my ex. When we sat down and talked about the agreement upon divorce- I missed the comfort of the way we related with each other. We knew each other so well, there was such a warmth. I missed her and miss that. I’ll never be the same. I guess this state of humility is common. This ultimate sadness drove me to melancholy for 6 months. It was as if I was in purgatory, constantly. I would have rather fought in an actual war and fight for my survival with weapon, than experience the pain I went through. Writing about it tears me up. I miss her so much. The house has no heart. I cried after the settlement, it only took going 3 blocks to unload pent up emotions. I cried over th loss of our marriage, I cried over my behavior over the past 19 years, I cried over my behavior with the kids, and I cried over the ignorance I had, not just for them, but for my own life as well. Finally I cried over the agreement. I only took it for other people, whence I could have done much better without it. In sacrificing myself, I have become bitter. I kept the place for other reasons. I wanted a fresh start somewhere else. Instead, I’m here in an empty dead end broken down house that has no heart.
Finally we divorced, I expected the pressure to slowly lift off, yet within 2 days there was a problem where I lost a big chunk of a privacy fence. 700 cost just for materials. That next week some ignorant person flushed a rubber ball
In the toilet- 700. A lack of resources, and little money left. Even though ive massive help from one who lives with me. I don’t have any more energy left. I feel like I’m going to drown soon.
The pressure doesn’t end. Constantly getting advice micromanaging my behavior and how I do tasks, instead of other people doing them themselves.
They would rather tell me how it’s done, but not lift a finger. This was why i cried when sacrificing myself. I knew it wasn’t going to end. I don’t ever see happiness here. Beside my horrible disdain of the state I live, I feel Ive put myself in prison to help others.
When told my mother I wanted to leave, she quickly answered with “ then I’m going to have to go live in a nursing home” immediate guilt trip. I told her that was silly, and moved on. The kids were the other reason, but in their presence i do find some joy. I reemphasized later I wanted to leave, next I heard, “how am I gong to get to my appointments? I don’t want to take those services.” Now, I sit here and think to myself, “this is what I chose? What was I thinking?” I told my ex if the house doesn’t sell I won’t hold her accountabile for any monies she may have to pay in the future for the house and I meant that. I won’t. Now, I don’t see a future here at all, hardly a content one. Plagued by discontent from advice, yet nothing more. God forbid i say something about the micromanaging- then others feel victimized. I have had it. I’m so far gone, the pressure has nearly enveloped me completely. I just wanted to go be on my own- and I let it go.
I let go of my marriage over time, but family issues from both of our sides made everything much worse.
I don’t see any future here at all. When I do leave, the house will sell for far less than it’s worth in the aesthetic condition it’s in. I’ll get a small penance. Nearly impossible to build anything out of around 30 k. That’s something- but in that any security is totally lost. I don’t know what to do. I just know I’m so staggered. Karma came like a tornado and destroyed me as I destroyed others over time. There’s nothing left but broken promises, empty hope, and micromanaging pressure. One day a week I see my kids, and makes me happy for a handful of hours. They were the other reason I stayed. That one day- that’s my only reprieve in misery. Then days turn in nights. Nights turn to weeks, image in unhappiness. I hear complaints and deal with fickle issues that are meaningless. The lack of confidence and faith people have close to me is just outrageous. I feel like no one takes me seriously. For years I let that go, I started to believe those same views. Maybe I was just like they made me out to be, somewhat of a “nothing man” A new leaf has been turned, and I’m starting to get annoyed. I am finally fighting that away, letting all that were responsible know how they are truly making me feel. One wouldn’t leave, and now the other runs away because she doesn’t want to hear that- of course she doesn’t, but why should I have to continue on her end. For years I heard, from her “I’m done being a doormat.” Now I am too. I dont see myself here in 2 years, let alone 5. The future is questionable. If I could get out now, and a deal would be made, what could I really possibly do? 30k? Start a new life with pets and a 110 pound dog in an apt?
30 k is pocket change. Especially when it comes to major purchases of real estate. There’s nothing left, but I have to just get away. I can’t live like this anymore. I thought I could accept my sacrifice, but as more pressures mount, I’m finally deflecting them back to their sources. Finally kicking them back to let them know how I feel. Both play the victims. It’s sad. My sacrifice inevitably they make as their own. What was the point. I will miss my kids. With that kind of money I don’t see any future, and have no idea if I’ll even be alive in 10 years.
People shouldn’t take their partners for granted. Remember that, if nothing besides in all this drivel. The most important things are free. It’s easy to lose sight of that, till they are gone. That’s the biggest loss ever. That love was all I knew, now that’s gone, i have no respite. I don’t feel any reason to live, outside of the emotional mess that would happen to my kids if something did happen to me. I’m so lost.
Forest
I see the forest and the trees over head. As I feel my pains of the present I see a star shoot over head. I make my wish.
I wipe the tear from my lid and start to feel sorry for myself. Then I get up, realizing that is of no consequence. I walk further, and see a fox skitter away from a tree. Reminds me of women, and my loneliness.
Now/Present
I don’t care about that side of my life anymore. I lost my love, and don’t want another. Like Emily Dickerson, but I was the cause of loss, not tragic death of her spouse. I was the tragic cancer of my own life, causing the death of my own Marriage. That quickly sobers my thinking. Who am I to feel sorry for myself when I caused this? Well at least 85 percent of it. I sit dream about what could be if we only were a beginning family of four. That’s all I wanted, that only lasted 2 years. Now my kids are 19 and 17. My ex and I only had 2 special years without the pressures of anyone living with us- and those years were pretty good. We had our moments, but we got over them. That man dies at the end, and here is his corpse. I feel there is nothing to do but meditate this away- yet afterwards, I’m still stuck in this bad dream, that I just can’t wake up from.
it’s reality. Ironically, drinking was a helper destroying a lot in my life, yet gage me the confusion of coping out of slavelike adaptability. I won’t do that anymore, so coping with all this regret and stress is worse than ever. I wonder how many people have taken thier lives after a process like a divorce. If it hurts them as much as it has me, that number must be so high. Losing that love, and feeling it goto rage and anger. Finding yourselves battling over details that don’t really matter. You feel the heart dwindle to the size of a pebble that doesn’t even beat. Like a sponge without water, like a bird that hits a window mid fight, or a fish out of water. All those things, with no direction, and no zest even to live. How can I love anyone that way again. How?
Forest
I keep walking and the forest melds away to valley. Odd, the grass seems very short, it must be spring. I hear an owl echo behind me. I keep walking in the Dewey grass, and end up at a stream. Someone had put rocks along its edges. It looks quite peaceful, and it rolls at a pace that gives a calming sound.
This place, this is the only peace I have now, and I should bring it into me. Instead it seems I’m focusing on the wrong things.
Bunker
I walk out of Hitlers bunker, there is chais a rubble everywhere. Shots fire from all directions, and I don’t seem to care. If I’m struck down it’s meant to be and think, perhaps that would be the peace I actually seek.
A hear a quick whiz over my left forearm, and look at my jacket. My green jacket has a hole over its side. I take off my helmet, it has a swastika on it. Then a hat underneath, and it has an American flag This is me, I think to myself- an American as bullheaded as a Nazi. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, I’ve gone through life, picking away at people over and over again. I thought I was a gentle as a goat, yet my horns in anger were so strong. All the energy wasted “Trying to win” just to prove fickle points. Just like the people that have frustrated me so much after the marriage was over.
20 million pieces of possible joy and happiness litter the grounds in Europe. At least 20 million dead. That is the outcome of my own destruction. My casualty was happiness.
In anger I did tell my divorce attorney that one of the reasons I wanted to keep the house was for the kids. I was adamant that she stay on track of a deal we struck- that she later rescinded on. I remember telling him, “this isn’t just about us, and yelling saying She’s got to pay!” I pounded my fist on his desk, and quickly caught myself venting and apologized. He understood. Earlier in our conversation I expressed my disdain at her rescinding the first deal we had agreed to. In that moment I told him- that’s it, I won’t take anything less. Why is she doing this to me? I know it’s self interest, but now I can’t hardly think right anymore. She’s messing with my head now- She has to do this. Tears welled up and I muttered out, “I’ll die for this if I have to.”
April 30, 952 am. I wore her a email discussing my inadequacies as a father and husband. I express what my faults were. Line by line I go down and explain how I treated her, line by line I express guilt and remorse, line by line I apologize. Line by line. The message made me feel like I was a bad man from the start. If you’ve ever been really culpable for fucking up a marriage, then you know what I mean. Line by line. Finally I end the message. Later on she responds, and I feel as if she thinks i did such things on purpose. That wasn’t the case. Most was loss in alcohol, confusion, neglect, ignorance, and environment pressures.
Later, I notice the date. What the hell. I finally tell her of all my guilt and why I feel that way, and express sorrow for such. It was the same date hitler had killed himself- which was done around the same time in the morning as I had sent tha message. A stretch of imagination? Or just a piece of history tha we should learn from? What the hell- if I had just listened to her, acknowledged her, and treated her well. Instead- my life in my heart is like the outcome of Europe in ww2. Everything destroyed, and nothing to go back to. My heart like a war zone, barely able to beat, at least with love. Soul has turned a musty green. Was I just that kind of narcissist? That brutal in judgment and emotive distress? In my remorse’s I brought that to the end.
Outside the bunker
My mind goes back to the blood of hitler that dripped on the couch. I walk towards the west. Bullets still flying around, but i have no desire to pick up a gun and fight with it. I walk with struggles emotional turmoil. I take off my hat and helmet and toss them in a shelled crevice nearby. There’s blood on my hands from something, and I didn’t even know what at least here, on the battlefield. In my life maybe it’s all the turmoil I caused, but here, i have no idea.
As an American, I walk, I look at the devastation and wonder how people can do this to each other. Then I think of myself, and the ignorance i lived in. I’m no better, I just have sheilded it away in selfishness to reason the behavior later. Like my life became a big giant excuse. I fall to my knees. A bullet has hit me in right leg. I’m over a different shelled out hole. I decide to just stay. It burns a bit, but a calming sensation came over me. Maybe it was all suppose to end like this, in my death?
Space
I seem to swim through space, with tail like legs. Almost like a sperm looking for an egg. I pass ice like to formations, I pass theough pink beautiful nebulas, I pass through deep blues and shimmering whites that blend together. I see so much light, but only from the stars. I pass by and by. My life sees to be getting smaller and smaller. I feel myself shrinking.
I have to reach the sun i thought, so I keep wiggling into deeper space. I see a glowing ball further on, is this my egg?
Egypt
I’ve woken up, there is food brewing over a cauldron thing, outside in the center of the settlement. An aroma fills the air, a perfumed smell, maybe it’s some kind of incense. I see the man that rowed our boat talking to another refugee that was on the boat. We needed help just to get food, just for life itself. It came for a trade of labor. I didn’t understand what they were saying, but after they were finished, we lined up and entered a boat, and were heading towards a different land. There was so much vegetation among that route, it was a wonder how we were starving at all. We were so close to the place with food and we never knew.
The boat stopped, and I saw pyramids in the distance. There was one made of mud, but the one beside it was made of stones. It was the biggest most enthralling thing I had ever seen. It wasn’t finished, but 3/4 of it was.
Babylon
As I kept walking up the spiraling ramp, in one of the rooms there were others with dark hair and loin cloths, sitting in mud seat-like benches. There was a man the front talking to them. He had no distinguishing features, it was as if he and their others were one the same. No class structure it seemed. He had a small untensil in his hand, and was pressing it into what looked like hardened soil. They were learning cuneiform. In another room on the second level they were doing the same. I kept walking, and was close to the end of the current build. Guards with spears were here too, but thier spears were crossed like an x, using each of their own to make the shape. I needed to know nothing more, I could go on no further.
Space
I was so close to the sun, the closer I got, the warmer it was, yet a slight turn in either direction, I started to feel extreme heat. Only centered in one place could I get there, the more I turned away the hotter it was. I felt like that was the whole point of this journey.
Outside the Bunker
Now I lie in this place, the burning sensation had passed, now the pain struck me. I watched myself bleed, tried to cover it up with my hand, that did nothing but exasperate the pain. The bombing and shooting went into a different sector. Here all I heard were distant bombs and gunfire. I was relieved that I didn’t have to fight for survival, but resigned myself to die where I fell. I looked up in the haze of smoke, smelling the stench of gunpowder and burning bodies. I waited to pass. Then a person came to me, and threw off his helmet. He looked at me quixotically and yelled, “what the hell are you doing here?” He grabbed my boot and started dragging me at quite a pace in the direction I had come from. I heard heavy door creek open, and he bristled me inside. I was back in the bunker. He shut the door.
The moaning was unbearable. It was everywhere, moaning and some screaming, in all different kinds of languages. I wondered if I too would become a casualty of war. I rested my heavy eyes, the moaning became like twisted music, as I closed them a warmth came over me, I felt like I was leaving my body, when all of a sudden,
Space
I kept swimming closer to the sun, as I got closer, I felt myself go faster, more giddy and felt like i was closer to my goal, yet still was clueless at what that even was. I came closer and closer. I felt like I was going to pierce the outside, when that tubular formation i had seen in the woods spiraled around me. The colors of orange, blue, white, red and then pink encased me. Slowly I descended, until the the skies grew purple, and clouds that funneled me through reappeared. It was cold, and my body came back together as one.
Bunker
A man rushed up to me, and slapped me in the face. I barely felt it. Then I felt a hammering of something that jarred me awake. Someone had splashed a bucket of water on me.
“How did you get here?” It was in German, of which I didn’t know, but I could understand it.
All I did was just shake my head no. It was as if I had lost the ability to talk. I heard sharp loud pounding on the doors, there was yelling I could hear that had a gruff overtoned accent. It was the Soviets.
Another loud bang. Finally an explosion at the door. I knew this was the end, and
Forest.
I came down, and saw the monk with glasses yet again. He had a grin on his face and said, “that’s why I tried to get you down, your not ready yet”
As I came down, I had told him glimpses of what had happened, in all different genres.
“You’re starting to see. There is a lot of pain there, and it’s coming from all sides. You are recovering now” I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew one thing- if this was something to ascend to, I quite wasn’t ready. “. I was ascending to death? Or was it life?
Then he said, “you’ve seen the joys of Christianity and confused them with suffering, hence in a cryptic sense you sheltered yourself. You have come back down to understand. There are other ways. You’re learning to understand joy through pain now. This is something that has been practiced for centuries. Your heart is not balanced yet. Your consciousness has tipped the scale over into guilt and regret. Until you make those connections through amends and change you won’t be ready. You must balance the scales to ascend to the highest consciousness of virtue. You’re still too weak. The pyramid would have eaten you. Your guilt weighs more than the feather.”
I knew things about how they measure afterlife in Egypt with the scales, and he was right. I wondered if I could ever reach that kind of apex. “You will, he said- but you must learn more about yourself. You can talk yourself into belief, yet if they are lies at all, the balance would be off. You may have pierced the sun, but it would reject you, like a sperm to an egg.
“You’ll know when you are ready. I’m here to guide you along your way. It’s a hard journey. “
I told him that in a macabre way I enjoyed dwelling on pain, and was interested in the eeriness that lies within. He smiled, and said, we all do in a way, and this is just one different alternative to life overcoming obstacles. There is no clear choice, you can use multiple different doors to achieve this peace-yet there are consequences for choosing poorly.” What are they? I asked.
“Time” if you keep choosing the wrong ascension tools, more time is spent dwelling on puzzling features your mind associates with time. In that time, you waste time, and in that waste of time, you’re wasting life.”
Just for a second, it seemed like everything was perfect. The darkness turned to light, the air became pure, and the trees that were around were replaced by a valley with a single tree that I was hugging onto. I could hear the stream in the background and a cool breeze came by. It filled me with more peace than I could imagine. And though it was just a moment, made everything worth it. The sun shined down, but it wasn’t hot- the air encompassed a breeze that wasn’t cold, and the smell of the air was sweet but not overwhelming. I turned around to look back at the monk, and he was gone. I found myself sitting cross legged by the creek.
In the distance I heard a short echo, “it won’t be long though, your heart is still pure “
