Suicide, and deadly narcissism and depression.
Watching tv- the world has gone to hell.
See the news?
Kids shorting at others in school.
Reminds me of the old Jeremy video. Spotify kids felt that way, but wouldn’t ever do thhat. That crossed the 200000 million times over.
Like a ton of other kids they were forced to learn a book instead of life, starring in a popularity contest. Wha went wrong? Why is it so bad now? School is compartmentalized- there has to be a change in perception, not just learning,
Togetherness forgotten, sub cultures beginning. I resented that as a kid. Kids had their personalities and behaviors neglected and some alienated at an early age and it alienated some- Adolescence was no fun, unless your own personality was accepted by others. It still happens today- people blame guns- it’s not- th structure of what school is needs to be changed itself.
What happened back then, where did the snap happen to pick up weapons instead of living to change?
Broken kids needed to learn to change. The teachers should teach to charge their characters for the better, instead of letting them go too early so facing their pains instead of learning things they may not understand for years to come.
School should be a place where we learn to love people instead of teaching kids to join subcultures of brutal existence.
We should be learning to come together at an early age-
Yet the system teaches that you need to mark yourself up higher to outclass others. Instead of learning to alienate, there should be relatable friendships and knowledge learning together. Teachers need to change character and behaviors, not just the intellect.
That’s what happened.
My life was awry. The chaos and sorrow I had tasted was bitter. 21 and depressed, I lie on the couch, and gave up hope. I was wallowing in alcohol and pain killers, and alcohol.
I sat, contemplating the end of life- out of utter desperation, within hours of that shooting, I made up my mind-
Took a hail of pills- washed it down with southern comfort, and took myself to deplorably. I wake up in a hospital. My mother had found me. She heard my death rattle.
I lived. I knew them what a mistake it was, as had to change and face consequences. The time faded.
There was bitter anger and deadly pride in my divorce. I again, wallowed in alcohol, a lot of it.
My bitterness choked up harsh conclusions of many people. My mind was breaking down. I would feel emotions in aggravation cast aside kindness for judgmental discourse.
I wrote a message to my wife at that time, in anger and pride. It was a suicide note, it was more just desperate feelings that I chose to blame on her. yet I never meant to send it. I wanted to keep it as a draft, and accidentally sent it out of habit of hitting send. That was it I thought- now I have to do it. I took a lot of pills. I woke up went to the bathroom/ three hours had passed I knew she may come to check on me later that night, and after three hours these other pills hadn’t helped- I took a lot more to add to that. Ironically went to sleep to the movie clean and sober.
Again, I woke up to her at the room, just for a moment I saw her. I thought a second- wow, she cared. I went right back into my drug and alcohol sleep.
I only took those out of embarrassment and pride l. How dumb. I had to come back around. I didn’t stop drinking till a week afterwards. On that night, I drank a ton, and ate a lot of greasy food. Woke up, went and threw up. I was doing in such instinctive, I nearly aspirated to death. Upon that moment- that moment- I realized all was wrong. My bottom had been met. I didn’t want to die though I thought I did because of plops pains. I decided to change.
Migration- We saw the mounds- and helped put things in place piece by piece. We weren’t slaves as far as freedom, but instead for food. We were all getting stronger, but we never understood the purpose and reasoning on why we were building it. After health was restored everyone wanted to leave. I didn’t understand why, but it was clear most didn’t like the culture. Soon there were some that did. They were chased down but never caught.
I stayed. It was an honor to know after some time, to them and to myself that we had come together as people, instead of leaving in rebellion. It was ok here, and felt proud of the work I was doing. It was hard work,but with every block moved, got closer to bridging my spirit with the community, earth and the stars. It took awhile, but I seemed to understand the concepts of going into a world with, and still honoring the world out and above. It was sanctuous. I was proud of the work that was finished l. Afterwards, we would see them, and no it would come to us to live in balance. That balance gave us peace and togetherness. It was a reminder of everything and how it was connected. Much learning about stars, nature and consciousness. It was a great place. The others had left because they wouldn’t change/. They resented it, wanted thier own language and thier own culture. I got it, but didn’t quite understand the utter betrayal of such help they instilled in us to be fed and life healthy. Heard they were chased down. Armies went after them to bring them back, yet they left. They did that in free will. Never really heard what happened to them.
Meditation
I see that special place for a second, but melancholy erupts with the pain of old memories. I pushed it aside and went anyway. By the tree I sit, cross legged, looking at a linings sky and feeling a perfect warmth among my body and spirt. The air was intoxicating.
Jungle
My body was stripped of its skin, hey left it strung up. Among the clouds, I could see them walking. There were bodies throughout the path the walked strung up everywhere. Seemed as if they cut through the trees that led to their village. One hell of a warningnot to disturb their community. Whoa.
I felt Inflicted by divine sadness. The bodies were there, and needed to be cut down to respect thier past lives.
Inside, in sad prayer for the others,
Hoping the same.
