Babylon
I woke up, the sun beamed down like it was a gateway to the heavens. I slept near the community, but not with the community, on the edge of a small forested area. I walked past some dusty mud constructed buildings that were part of the main village, and saw people gathering to eat. I sat down. Felt like a total outsider. As I felt the pain from my own sense of alienation, a guard came over to me bearing a spear. It was one that was at the entrance of the tower.
“Come with me,”he said. The bishop wants to see you. I was rocked a bit. Never out to an extent, after going up the tower I had wondered if I should have at all. That doubt, built and grated some nerves. I had heard of this person in the past, but had never known who he was. I heard he had a conflagration of vioemtb streaks if he wasn’t headed the right way.
I walked with the guard, who had grabbed me gruffly by my shoulder. “Whats happene” I asked. “Dont be fool, you know exactly what happened.” I walked with him, and shortly there after, we started climbing the ramp to the tower. I walked in, and the other guard was still stationed where he was originally. The guard loosened his grip a bit, and led me the way I needed to go. the same torches lit the spaces, yet the rooms were empty on the first level, as I climbed up the second, one room was occupied by people that seemed to chant with thier hands in the air. It seemed as if they were praying, biting language I couldn’t understand. We climbed to the next level, and the same exact two guards were there. They pulled back the spears from the x that once had formed, and let us through. As I climbed a small semicircle, i was led inside an opening with small staircase going down. A we approached the two more other guards, the first one let go of my arm, and said “he’s yours now” i stood there, yet was hopeful because I wasn’t restrained. It couldn’t be the worst, could it?
As the guard turned to walk away, I saw his eyes, and felt a bit more at ease. The strong facade melted away, and he seemed to become not militant, but a man.
The two guards, whose spears were pointed upward. Pulled an odd latch on the wall., and the door opened.
I was a circular room, that had a smell of incense pluming smoke throughout. A fire burned on one of the outside circumference walls. As I looked at it, a deep booming voice came from behind me. I turned around, and saw a man? With shoulder length gray hair in what seemed to be a throne. He had no crown, just a staff in his hand as he sat.
“You know why you here?”he perceptively asked
“Because I walked up here without permission?”
His voice echoed like thunder, with a loud sound shifting sound said
“No”
“Why did you come?”
“To bind my father and my spirit together, whilst breaking away from the drought that became from such”. To give my soul the water of life, bonding my spirit- together, with my soul.”
I said, almost by instinct,
“You’re honest, that’s a start”
He left his throne, and held his staff in his right hand pointed towards me, as it came close, he popped it close to my gut, but raised it up and much closer to him after.
A sense of fear and panic rolled over me, and then my body eased.
“So do you expect me to tell you something? Or should you tell me?”
Now/Present
I remember the past. The pain of youth.
Recognizing pain never was even a thought in the past- i did most everything to avoid it and all cost. I was raised in a house hold short of tolerance, and thought that was acceptable. I guess you start out reacting like you are brought up.
I became a pawn in school, doing nothing but wading through the days, a slave to being told what to do. It sucked. I came home, and was in my was in my own world. I went to the park to baseball a lot, and became the man that i thought was the way to be. A bully screamed out of me, and as mean as I was, thought it was commonplace, it’s how I grew up, like an uptight slave. A person that did what they were told and pressured from all corners, reacted out instead of in I bullied and bullied, yet finally-
My fascist father had come home, and everyone lined up, the four kids were like soldiers, he shot down orders “asking” if we had done what we had to. Everyone gave a short, uptight yes for an answer. I had had it. I was young, maybe 8 or 9. Finally I barked back, “why are you like this? Everybody is afraid when you come home, why are you like this?” He shoulders shuffled down, and he went to the car. He hadn’t come back in for a couple of hours. I was proud of myself. I was glad he had shut himself in there. He needed to know, no one would. Stand up to him, finally I did. Later I processed that he may be sad, but was still proud, thinking that I hope that taught him not to be that way.
A few years later, he taught me how to play baseball, and like a machine I learned, and like a machine I played so competitively I lost myself in the sport. My pride turned into sheer cockiness. I excelled at the game for a bit, and used to play often sandlot style in a park a few blocks from my house. We had a blast there, but in my arrogance and flagrant pride, decided to enthrall myself in power, not the game. In the last year I played there, I felt like a man oppressing all of they didn’t play the way I wanted them to. I left kids crying multiple times. Finally later on the same thing happened to me- a kid had told me the same thing that I had told my dad. I pushed back a bit, but it hit me in the face, and after I came back home I realized it, and knew it even before he had said that, I felt it in my own heart. I still tried to hide in the same milieu though, with that dilution of power. At least I felt like something then. I never felt like anything, anything that I at least tired to want to be.
I found myself in the closet at home, and wanted a certain songs to come on to come on- I wanted to record it as a joke: it came on, and I was gobsmacked.
It was awesome. Then a kid pranked me, and in the same milieu of power it ended up in a fight, which I couldn’t have easily lost, but talked him out of pushing any further. Then, instead ending it there, went on and humiliated him a bit. Afterwards, things changed- in that sense of dillusion, now with practically no father- I was practicing the same ways. I learned to get beyond that slowly, yet at the same time my life slowly started to fall apart.
Finally things goto the worst point. I did something not violent, but utterly disgusting. Within two weeks I met someone that was a friend of family there. Long story short, he raped me out of vengeance I was told. Then he told me that if I said anything, he would kill the friend of family he was to my family.
That started a chain reaction I couldn’t control. A new age had come, like the atmosphere changing in the nuclear age.
Other predators cam out of rat holes for the next couple of years, Nothing like the first time, they were there to “comfort” me – in a situation with a camcorder with a glowing red light shining towards me from a distance. I ended up talking to that lady much later, and we partied in my mid to late 20s. She said sorry, an I forgave her- but I never really grasped at the core of it- I past through that wind so fast and just kept drinking.
The next week I was invited again, I never went back.
Probably 20 22 years after I got in touch on Facebook to her. I needed to let her know, that I remembered everything now, and wasnt happy about it. She muffled up in fear, and quickly denied everything.
Inflect the nerves in her staggered messages. One more message and never heard from her again.
There was a third party involved as well, I think her only goal started with cocaine, but everything went south from there. She did try to take advantage of myself, and another girl there though. I heard of more pictures later. At the end of the year, police got involved/. I guess the girl had said something. I denied it all. It was disloyal not to, I thought. I really thought I loved that other party- I was 13, and so confused.
At one point those two got very close, and it seemed as she was chosen over me. The girl humiliated me, mocked me and ran me out of her house eventually.
Now the police are involved, out of loyalty, a little fear, and – strive to ignorance, i denied everything to them and the others. That was when she told me of the pictures. That was bad. I still wouldn’t talk to her. Finally as everyone left, I yelled to her, “well you got her” “farmer looking girl”
Even after all that, I sneered in anger and vengeance. That was wrong: I never knew how violent my pride could be. That would be the year of my life where consistency fell apart. The cohesion of family melted away like skin incinerating.
Jungle/Assyria
I watched the town outside of myself for awhile. I sat and heard cackling drunken grunts, screams and scowling. The boisterous sound were see rotted and Russian abounding accentuatly.
I watched and watched.
I saw a man walk to the path. The same three were there.
I saw them tense up, but listening with other heads cocked. The man talking to them was dressed similar to the way I was, he spoke and eventually two gaurds escorted him to the city. It looked as if he was being escorted, not charged.
I saw them walk into a huge round area, it was the size of a door field, with straw vegetation for a roof. I thought to get into the place to know just exactly what I was spiritually seeing.
I imagined my sport in that place, and there I was. It was full ofpeople. They had similar markings of Aztec warriors I had heard of in school. One was in the center, and he too had a staff, with a golden flame atop it, an a circular hat.
I was near the entrance, he glanced at me and yelled, “that’s him, the infidelity” everyone hissed and booed, things were tired and an apple hit him in the jaw.
“Shall we bring him up?”
I saw the man panic a bit, but quickly come back around to say what he wanted to.
“It’s important, no- his panic was fueling laughter” then he struggled and turned around and yelled in a loud voice, “No! This is important!” His boomed, the man with the staff looked at him perplexed by bravery, and the people stared at the man with the staff perplexed anyone was questioning anything.
“This thing, this whole thing that’s going on here is wrong. Everyone knows everything about each of our doings. There will be repentance coming!”his voice started to decrease so from the last syllable.
“What do you speak of?” The voice was eager, yet arrogantly fearful. The killing, the slaughtering, the attidide of life itself we are wasting lives and times Our pasts have been known for centuries, can’t you see that? How can we go on like this?”
He spoke a few minutes, and the king took of his hat and said in a glanced voice, your night- we have. He threw it towards the center and chuckled, saying we will conform. He looked back at the man with a grimace and said, let him go back”. The guard shot a gaze and took off his helmet, saying are you sure- take him to the tigers maybe?”
His voice started to rise to a deeper incantation and he said “No let him go out and leave the city”
The man walked away for a bit, amd I stayed there for a spell. It was joke at first to him, yet after a few days, things did change: His iron will softened a bit, and he decided to change, sadly the process repeated itself, and later a conglomerate of oppressed people from neighboring area sacked the place. One was Babylon.
Babylon
“Now you understand,” he said. “Yes I do” “ you don’t behave a knowledge l, I know you’re an honest person. You’ll go through things, and follow your heart, it will always steer you right” put his staff in his other hand, and reached out to shake my hand. You turned aside and made a waving motion towards the doorway.
“You’re welcome here, use balance between love and reason.”
I walked out, then walked up the steps
I went around the circular pathway and again saw people learning how to read and write.
as I walked out, I glanced back at two on people on either side. They were guards before? I turned back around to see outside, and it wasn’t archeological as I’ve see it portrayed throughout history. I walked out seeing a shiny gold ziggurat in front of me. The sun gleamed it nearly a prism of pink and red hues in reflection of the sun.
The air that seemed dry before- was fresh, smells were sweet instead of bitter. I felt a comfort and a warmth. I could smell floral scents, like!foowers blooming their dews in the spring sun. Bumble bees were flying in the air. The whole place had changed- had this happened in my head?
“Should I tell you? Or should you tell me.?”
Resolve in peace being restlessness falling off my shoulders like a cool breeze. .
A pride of overcoming, and a gust of cool flies in through and out of my body. into my mouth, filling me with a new spirit. and takes it place.
