Now I’m back in the doghouse
I struck out too hard!
Didn’t know the wall was that big, didn’t know the fear was that loud.
I sit here getting cold
Sharing my time growing old yet out of the sheer cold
I didn’t want that hurt to happen,
Just trigger a new feeling.
In that loss I created the a dog
One sleeping and full of pity
That pain will fall to rain, and in that rain we see our ways
Through memories and time things WILL change.
The weather much calmer and slower things need be
No more provocation just a need to be.
Out of the doghouse I must go
Out of the dogma and leaving this old house of shame
The clock beats pacing the heart. Ticking for some, and turning age into change for others .
I looked back in memory at a note around Christmas one year
In its humor I was related to nearly like a dog-
In the zeal humor that was lost,
The joke passed, and so I too past
I never knew I had that much resent and disdain!
In sorrow and anger I’ve struck out
Didn’t know I was so outrageous-
Trying to break through a wall for a fresh start
Hurting myself and those i loved,
How long whilst thou still hold up that pain?
Pain that ignites resentment, and forsakes time
The solace leaves, yet anger remains?
Doggone, what a shame.
Now I’m back in the doghouse
I questioned the story
Didn’t know the wall was that big, was left in a hurry.
Yet I still wander and still will see
what I know is over yonder and what will be.
(IV)The spirit to believe
Again I try to believe I can
Again I try to believe I am
Again I try to believe I did
Again I try to believe I am
Now I believe
Believe again my zest to trust in the unknown
Unguided hands bring me past discourse, and to other lands.
Like a magnet on a compass I guide the swivel to see as the compass spins at will, and from it shows me what I need to see.
The compass spins, and in to fields I go,
The compass encompasses me to help me grow
Desperate my hands once felt, stronger now but looser the skin,better knowledge of understanding
I came to know.
As the compass spins it stopped back on me
I asked Santa for a few things
I asked Santa for resolve in me.
I asked Santa to see the raven that pained me
He told me that in my life, in some things the messages lie in between.
A sailer ship that found my message read it and said
You found yourself, now you just need a place to be.
I asked Santa for relief from the pain I caused,
Asked and received. I asked Santa for guidance, and a memory came back to me-
It’s already in you, now you see.
Merry Christmas
Life is curiously happy. My senses and imagination are active and breathing.
My brush graces upon me the ability to paint a new life, with many possibilities of what could be.
